I'm writing (unfortunately) this post due to a faux pas that happened to a well meaning friend recently (won't tell you who....but it wasn't me!!!).
It's hard to believe but I've been in the business world for six years. If this surprises you, it's because I work hard to not make my work my identity. Though I do take my work very seriously and work very hard because I was born with work ethic, I'm competitive and it pays the bills! I started working when I was 15 and cannot really remember a time in my life where I didn't have a job. Learning the value of a dollar is one of the most important lessons I've ever learned, and I just don't think that can happen if you don't have to work! Thank you Mom and Dad for not giving me everything I ever wanted. Granted, I was given a lot and definitely had no real hardships but my parents taught me how to be frugal, how to take care of my "things" and not take them for granted as well as how to work....and work hard because that shows and teaches integrity.
Anyway, the below etiquette tips for business dinners are what I was always taught and include basic manners most of us learn at a young age, but I've got some tips that I think are very practical in addition to the basics that, let's face it, you should already know. Here are the basics:
Introductions
· When making introductions, the lower‐ranking person is introduced to the higher‐ranking one. For example, say the supervisor’s name first to introduce a trainee. (Mr. Jones, I would like you to meet Bill Smith)
· Be prepared to shake the hand of everyone you meet. Be sure to have a firm grip and give a three‐pump handshake.
· Stand up for an introduction. It is polite to stand while greeting someone.
· Smile and repeat the name of the person to whom you are being introduced. (It’s nice to meet you, Bill Smith.)
Table Settings
· The order of courses you will most likely encounter are: appetizer or soup, salad, entrée, and dessert.
· To determine which silverware to use, work from the outside of the place setting in. Use the fork or spoon farthest from the plate first, and then use the next consecutive piece for the next course.
· Your bread plate will be on your left and your drink glassware will be on your right.
· When you are finished eating, place your knife and fork together on your plate.
Dining Guidelines
· Don’t talk with your mouth full or wave silverware around
· Don’t pick up dropped silverware or food
· Place your napkin in your lap shortly after you sit down
· When you have finished eating, casually place your napkin to your left and don’t push your plate away from you
· Don’t place any purses, bags, sunglasses, cell phones, or briefcases on the table
· Turn off any cell phones or beepers
· Have proper posture and keep your elbows off the table
· Don’t apply makeup or brush your hair at the table
· If you get up to leave during the meal, excuse yourself from those present and place your napkin in your chair
· Don’t discuss anything that could make others uncomfortable, including illness, surgery, funerals, money, politics or religion
(there are definitely exceptions to the religion rule...as a Christian, I am called to missional living and there are times when this rule must go out the window....just be careful how you come across)· If you are a guest, don’t bring up business unless your host does
· Order something easy to eat, and avoid foods that could be messy or finger foods When ordering, follow the lead of the host and don’t order the most expensive item
· In general, don’t order alcohol
· If warm towels are used, these will be served with tongs by the waiter or waitress and should be returned to the tray when used
· If finger bowls are used, dip your fingers into the water and then move them slightly below the table to dry them with your napkin
· Break your bread into small pieces and butter each piece individually
· Gently stir your soup instead of blowing on it, and spoon your soup away from you
· Try to pace yourself to finish your meal with everyone else
· Take small bites
· If something undesirable is in your mouth, remove it discreetly with your fork
Now, here are
my tips:
· A business dinner is about the business relationship and business development - not about the food!! I don't care where you are going or how good it is or how rarely you get to eat out at nice places or how excited everyone else is to go to this nice restaurant!! Eat a snack beforehand so you're not so hungry that you are focusing on the food rather than your client or colleagues.
· By all means....do not text, email or tweet during, before or after the dinner!!! Turn that cell phone off! Update your facebook page that you are unavailable....I don't care what you do, but do not use your phone. Tuck it away and turn it off.
· So that you can be focused on the conversation and agenda at hand, know ahead of time three options that you might order so that you don't waste time staring at the menu trying to decide.
· Never, and I mean NEVER order anything if you don't know the price.
· Another never - never ever ever ever order Lobster. I don't care if it's $10....it's not about the price, it's about the connotation. Just do not do it!
· I don't care if everyone else at the table is getting wasted.....do not have more than one drink. Just. Don't. Do. It. There are a lot of mistakes that you can overcome in the business world but being sloppy drunk and getting out of control will cause people not to take you seriously. Even if there is peer pressure for you to have another....don't do it. Drink very slowly, and no one will notice you've only had one.
· Do not order an alcoholic beverage unless the client....then someone higher ranking than you has ordered one. Never be the first person to order alcohol.
· Order light so that you can be engrossed in the conversation....and don't have to worry about finishing your huge amount of food.If asked to order first, defer to someone else so you are not the first to order. If everyone orders filet mignon....fine.....but then order the 6-8 oz. rather than the 12 oz. like everyone else. Or better yet, order a sirloin or strip.
· Order something less expensive than your boss.
· Order something less expensive than the client.
· Be very careful what you order in front of the client. Yes, you want to treat them well and give them a really nice dinner....and you are "paying" for dinner, but who is really paying for dinner?? Would there be a dinner without the client? Would your company be making a profit without the client? Would you be getting a paycheck? No. And in these hard times, clients are looking to make their money go further which is just not possible if you are taking them to extravagant dinners. I'm sure many of them would rather have gotten a $5K discount and not gone to dinner at all.
Most of these tips are common sense, but you would be surprised at how many of these mistakes that I've seen people make. Someone in particular that I know made some of these "no nonsense" mistakes very recently.
I hope this helps anyone who is just starting out in the business world or who needs a little extra advice over and above the normal business dinner etiquette rules. I'm very passionate about these etiquette rules if you cannot tell. I'm a true believer in etiquette. Etiquette is meant to make everyone feel comfortable so they know how to act in certain situations rather than to bog people down with rules. First and foremost, don't be so concerned with using the right fork that you lose sight of the real reason for the business dinner - the relationship, be a gracious host and always be prepared! It is well worth the time spent to be prepared!
If you just set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing.
-Margaret Thatcher
If you are prepared, you will be confident, and will do the job.
-Tom Landry
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