There truly are only two kinds of people in this world:
1) People who love the show 24
2) People who have never seen the show 24
For those of you who don't know yet, Jack is back! Season 7 of 24 kicked off on Sunday, January 11th. In the spirit of the return of the show, here are a few of my favorite things about Jack Bauer (in no particular order):
Jack Bauer once stepped into quicksand. The quicksand couldn't escape and nearly drowned.
There are two hands that can beat a royal flush. Jack Bauer's right hand and Jack Bauer's left hand.
The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
Most people would need months to recover from 20 months of Chinese interrogation. Jack Bauer needs a shower, a shave and a change of clothes.
When a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death.
On Jack Bauer's Tax Returns, he has to claim the entire world as his dependents.
Jack Bauer definitely loves his daughter; he wouldn't let anyone else who made that many stupid decisions live.
Jack Bauer always tests positive for steroids. Not that he uses steroids. It's because steroids are made from Jack Bauer.
When Jack Bauer ran out of ammo, he caught 3 bullets in his chest and used them to reload.
When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.
The state of California plans to reduce violent crime by changing the method of capital punishment from lethal injection to Jack Bauer.
Mission Impossible is just another way of saying Mission Without Jack Bauer.
You can tell how much Jack Bauer likes you by how far above your kneecap he shoots you.
Jack Bauer can torture you into giving up information you do not possess.
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.
Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars.
Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
It took Jack Bauer two minutes to beat a confession out of OJ.
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